Experiencing a miscarriage is a heavy thing to pass through. I know it because I just passed one, and the truth is that it REALLY SUCKS. But how you cope with it will make a massive difference in your recovery and moving-on process. And today, I’m sharing nine ways to cope with it and empower yourself. As a woman who lost a very wanted, 12-week-old pregnancy, I can say that by following these nine actions, I stayed on track with myself and my emotional and physical health. Therefore, If you are going through a similar process, I really hope this article helps. Please find a video where I talked about my miscarriage story, followed by the 9 ways to cope with miscarriage and empower yourself.
Watch the video
9 ways to cope with a miscarriage
1. Connect with other woman’s stories.
We, humans, need to know we are not alone, nor are we not the ‘only ones’ passing through a painful event. Nociting that other women are going through the same feelings you have now is quite supportive. To know that others have passed through similar experiences and made it through is very empowering information. Also, realizing that this sad story can have a happy ending can make you feel much more positive, in peace, and even looking forward to what is coming your way. So please, friend, connect with other women; trust me. You can do it by talking with friends or family that have passed through the same situation or connecting with people online. Also, you can just read miscarriage stories in forums. You would be amazed by how much support you can feel. Female energy is thoroughly nourishing.
2. Be mindful of the information you seek.
You are not a number! As simple as this. As with everything on the internet, we must be mindful of what we seek. Due to my condition of PMP (partial molar pregnancy), I started reading statistics and the risks of this condition. It was clear how bad and stressed I was beginning to feel. So, I rapidly decided not to put myself in those numbers and focus only on histories of success. Instead of feeding my mind with fear and probabilities, it feels like living in a horror movie (no, thank you!). I read about success, beautiful stories like women getting pregnant after a miscarriage and having a baby, or couples getting closer after passing an event like this one. I saw how this made me feel positive, and positivism is crucial in any recovery process.
3. See the situation as it is.
I know this is tough because we humans get caught all day long believing our thoughts even though they aren’t true. But, for real, is it true what you believe right now? Remember, not all the thoughts that come to your mind are true! So please keep an open mind to see the situation only as it, as the observer, wholly detached from the feeling.
Let me give you an example for you to see what I mean. Instead of believing, “I lost a baby,” I say, “I lost a pregnancy.” Which one is true? I didn’t lose a baby because I didn’t have a baby to lose. Right? What I lost was the illusion of having a baby. That baby existed only in my mind (and my husband’s, mom’s, and so on).
So by questioning my thoughts and finding factual arguments, I started seeing the situation as it really was, which made me feel much calmer and empowered.
As of now, I think I have lost a pregnancy. Miscarriage is a normal process of life and nature, and nothing is wrong with me. My body is made to get pregnant; if I could get pregnant once, I could do it again and again. I will be pregnant again sooner than later. I declare it! And it feels good.
4. Share whatever you are feeling.
It is necessary to allow whatever feelings are arising in yourself. Go ahead if you need to cry, get angry, be alone, or not do anything for a while. Allow yourself to grieve as much as you need to so you can let it go. Remember that feelings are only visitors; they come, show themselves to show you something, and then leave. But it is very important to share them. You can do it by talking with a loved one,
If you want to cry, go ahead! If you need to get angry, go ahead too! If you don’t want to do anything for a while, that is perfect! If you desire to ignore it, please do. Allow yourself to grieve as much as you need to so you can let it go. Remember that feelings are only visitors; they come, show themselves to teach you something, and then leave. Please don’t get stuck with them. And share what is going on inside you. It might be as a conversation or journaling (this one is huge for me!)
Also, this one is really personal. But like I said on tip number one, hearing other women’s stories made me feel supported at the time and still today. And being the miscarriage event so common, I found it essential to share our stories and create a better support system for every person who passes through this.
5. Focus on the good happening now in your life.
For many reasons, humans tend to have the habit of focusing on what’s missing. Making it harder to appreciate what is really here and now. To make it worst, when you are grieving a miscarriage, it’s harder to think about something rather than fear and sadness. So we must give ourselves a little bit of help.
Grace and gratefulness are the best antidotes for anxiety, sadness, and anger. And as like attracts like, if you focus on the good happening in your life right now, the love in you will grow faster and more robust. So I propose to start by writing (yes, write it by hand on a piece of paper) a list of all the goods you have in your life right now and allow yourself to connect with each of the things you put on the list. Feel each one of those things. Allow time and presence with every one of them. Close your eyes and put a man in your heart. Breathe slowly in and out, and connect. You can make this exercise any time you need to.
Also, I made a 5-minute gratitude journal you can use every night before sleeping to connect with the power of gratefulness. Find it here.
6. Prioritize positivism.
Positivism in life is vital to feel good, do you agree?. Now to maintain positivity while experiencing a miscarriage is challenging. However, there are ways to enhance positivism even in tough times. The Power Of Affirmations! Oh Yes! Have you tried them before? If not, I really hope you give them a try!
This is what I do when I need to get a good dose of positivism: I write down different affirmations that resonate with me. It could be from 3 to 6. Then, I repeat them whenever it feels right and when I need the reminder. It could be while doing any practice, such as meditation, yoga, or breathing. Or during daily activities like showering, driving, or sitting on my house’s porch looking at the trees.
The affirmations I used while recovering from a Partial Molar Pregnancy (PMP)(read my story here) were:
“Health is coming my way.”
“My body is healing and reaching balance.”
“I am mentally stable and well.”
“I am strong, and supreme intelligence runs inside me.”
Please choose whichever resonates best with you; the possibilities are endless.
7. Know where you are standing today in terms of health.
First, you must know where you stand to address a health issue. This way, you know what to fix and plan a roadmap to get those results.
In my case, I decided to approach my health recovery from the PMP holistically. I had my head doctor OBGY and sought a Naturopath doctor’s help, and I’m so glad I did! Because he spotted many things to correct in my metabolism. From inflammation, anemia, overactive liver and adrenal glands, and low reversed T3. Plus, he discovered some food intolerances I didn’t know I had.
So yeah, there were so many things to correct, it was scary (to say the least), but I had a starting point. From there was only room for improvement. And my goal was to reach for balance and prepare my body for a new upcoming pregnancy.
You are a holistic being, and your health depends on many factors. What you eat, what you put in your body, what you think, the words you use daily, the relationships around you, etc., constantly influence your health. If you are asking, the best advice I can give you is to check your overall health: hormones, metabolism, reproductive system, nervous system, diet, gut, mental health… holistically. Get help if you need to; there are so many excellent professionals. And if you want help fixing your diet, please check my Holistic Nutrition Program for women. Diet is fricking important!!
8. Start journaling.
The power of journaling is another powerful tool! After losing my pregnancy, I created a recovery journal divided into: feelings, thoughts, meditation, breathing, supplements, and an exercise calendar.
In this journal, I wrote down how I felt, what changes I noticed, all the treatments I was doing, and my results.
It might sound like a lot, but let me tell you that this was so so empowering! Because I could see and measure the advances I was having, and this was vital to feeling better about myself.
Journaling gave me the sensation I was starting to get control of my health and how I was healing and getting stronger again.
All of this made me feel so grateful for the resilience of my body, mind, and spirit that I fell even more in love with myself and my wonderful body.
9. Get yourself a hobby.
Get yourself something elsewhere to put your attention on. Distract yourself!; for that, nothing is better than learning something new, right? As a beginner, you totally suck at doing it! So you must pass a learning curve that takes a lot of focus and effort. Also, once you get a hobby and start mastering it, you feel damn proud of yourself, which is ideal for your spirit! And for me, this is a perfect opportunity to put your mind to something other than feeling pity for the loss of the pregnancy.
My new hobby was snowboarding. The winter was getting started, and I decided to try this sport. I fell so many times that it was horribly painful for my body and so much fun. It helped me be outdoors, be in nature, connect with my body, and regain my health! And I fucking did it! I roughly learned to snowboard last winter and am incredibly proud of myself!
What hobby would you love to learn or retake?
And this, my sweet one, are the 9 ways to cope better with a miscarriage. I hope it serves you somehow; it indeed helped me.
Please give yourself a lot of love and remember life is always working in our favor.
With love and gratitude, always
Pia
Ps. please share this with anybody you think might benefit from it.
