Passing through a miscarriage, like any loss, can be a pretty sad and stressful event. In my case, I found that hearing other women passing through similar stories made me feel somehow supported and not so alone during my grief process; and this is why I want to share mine. If you, a friend, or your family are passing through a miscarriage, hopefully, what I am sharing here today can remind you are not alone.
Fuck! Just writing this word hurts my soul. A miscarriage is a pregnancy loss; sadly, it is much more common than I thought. According to research, about 31% of pregnancies confirmed after implantation end in miscarriage (1). That translates to roughly one in every three pregnancies do not go through. That is A LOT! I don’t know about you, but I found this necessary data! Because even having a miscarriage is a damn common thing to experience among all women, it seems to be still a ‘taboo topic.’ Unfortunately, discussing miscarriage often brings shame, secrecy, and a very unhealthy approach. And we need to talk about it more and normalize it.
The reasons for miscarriage are multiple, and as much as I hate to say it, miscarriage is unavoidable. Our bodies are wise! We miscarry because it is the body’s way of stopping a pregnancy with no chance of success.
When I got pregnant in 2020, my first pregnancy, I didn’t know what to expect. I experienced mainly four symptoms: exhaustion, inability to sleep well, fast weight gain, and a super sharp smell! In other words, by the third month, I had already gained 12 pounds, I was sleeping no more than 4 hours a day, and I couldn’t even enter a supermarket because the smells were too intense! All these symptoms are very common in Partial Molar Pregnancy, which I didn’t know back then. And even if it was a very intense first trimester, I still felt safe because I had no bleeding or pain. I downloaded apps to track how big the baby was getting and started to get mentally and spiritually ready for the growth of our little one. My husband and I were so excited about our pregnancy that we told our whole family.
The doctor’s appointment
Where I live, in California (USA), it is not common to visit the doctor until you have reached 12 weeks of pregnancy. So the waiting was extended, and a little anxious. When the day of the appointment arrived, the doctor asked me to lie down for the ultrasound. I was so ready to hear the baby’s heartbeat! But soon, some minutes after the ultrasound started, the nightmare began. – “I cannot find the baby; we need to run more tests,” the doctor said. I look at my hubby Kyle and hold his hand.
After many hours in the hospital running tests, the doctor confirmed I suffered an incomplete miscarriage on the 7th week of pregnancy due to a condition called Partial Molar Pregnancy (PMP). Also that I needed surgery to terminate it finally. But the ‘bad news’ didn’t end there because there were health risks alongside a PMP.
A Partial Molar Pregnancy (PMP)
All you need to understand is that on PMP, the women’s egg receives two sets of chromosomes from the man, usually because two sperm have fertilized the egg. So everything is overstimulated! For example, my HCG levels (the hormone that indicates you are pregnant) was four times higher than a regular pregnancy (over a million!). This result meant that if my body didn’t lower this hormone naturally after the surgery, my risk of developing uterine cancer could get high.
Before the Surgery
Kyle and I decided to remain as calm and positive as possible. We packed a small bag and went to one of my favorite places in the world, Yosemite National Park. I tell you, my dear, nature heals! Going to the mountain was the perfect medicine we needed to comfort our broken hearts and souls. We walked through the forest, meditated, and prayed to be connected and the frequency of love. The snowfall was on top of us, creating magic all around us. It was beautiful, and I made a video about this trip. I felt so protected by the whole. God is good.
The surgery is a very simple 35-minute lengthy procedure. The hardest part was being alone due to Covid-19 hospital regulations; I felt scared and vulnerable. Nonetheless, thank god for the nurses. They were very sweet and supportive. The recovery from this surgery is mellow. It did not hurt much, and I didn’t bleed, either. By the end of the week, I started walking every day in the neighborhood, and ten days later, I started training again.
For me, the worst part wasn’t in the body but in my heart. I didn’t feel anything at all, but I cried a lot. Waking up knowing I wasn’t pregnant anymore was sad, and I felt pure hollow emptiness. It’s a weird sensation to describe, so the best way I can do is to feel heartless. Like a reptile, I’m guessing.
My main goals were to achieve hormonal balance, lower inflammation, and strengthen again! It is crucial to mention that while I was reaching for balance, I was actively improving my health by working with a Naturopath. I changed my diet, corrected food intolerances, and took supplementation to support my adrenal glands, thyroid, and liver. We ran more blood work and spotted food allergies. Also, I prioritized sleep and continued lifting weights and snowboarding the whole winter.
It took me six weeks to get my period back and four months to deplete the pregnancy hormone (Hcg), which was great because I was no longer at risk for developing uterine cancer. I took nine months to eliminate all the extra fat and body weight I gained during my pregnancy. And finally, my husband and I waited twelve months to conceive again. It was a long process full of doubts, fears, efforts, discipline, support, and much love to recover fully. But I did it! And it was worth it all the way! One year after my miscarriage, we got pregnant again and had the healthiest, most beautiful pregnancy and baby.
Now, my lovely reader, this is my story, my case. What I described here may differ significantly from what you felt, lived, and hoped for. Remember that each one of us has its process and form to dealing with such a painful event as a miscarriage can be. But if there are some takeouts I can bring you, are:
- A miscarriage is a joint event; you can do nothing to prevent it. But what you can do now is to work on getting as calm as possible. Work on your spirituality. Trust your body, and trust the process.
- Change your diet and lifestyle if necessary. Address your hormones, immune system (lower inflammation if needed), and digestion (check if you have food intolerances or allergies). Getting as balanced as possible is vital to an optimal life-forming body.
- Carrying all the pressure of trying to get pregnant could be a lot! Get help! There are so many amazing people from you who can get support. Naturopaths, holistic nutritionists, and holistic doctors are excellent choices!
- Stop reading statistics and numbers. You are not a number! Please check successful stories: women who had miscarriages before and then had healthy pregnancies. Reading this helps me so so much! And still cannot believe I am one more sharing about having a perfect baby one year after my PMP.
EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK. I promise.
Thank you for reading until now. I appreciate you so much.
With love and gratitude,
Ps. I made an article sharing 9 ways to cope with a miscarriage and empower yourself. By following these 9 things, I was staying on track with myself and my emotional and physical health. And that helped me SO MUCH to overcome the loss of the pregnancy and gain my spirits back. Therefore, If you are going through a similar process, I hope this article helps.