5 signs you are living with an unaware Ego

Your ego forms your self-concept and is essential for your survival, but if you want to avoid it from ruining relationships in your life...

The Ego is one of the most popular topics in spirituality and is one of my favorite ones to study. In psychology and Western literature, the Ego plays a crucial role in the human psyche. It forms our self-concept and is an essential part of our survival. Conversely, the unaware Ego can create chaos and relationships in your life.

For your Ego to survive, you will spend your entire life avoiding anything you believe is bad or wrong. Simultaneously, you will try to get closer to anything you consider good or trustworthy. Therefore, the concept of good or bad concerns the morality in which you have been programmed, making “being good” or “being bad” entirely subjective. What is good for you? What is bad for you? It all depends, right?. 

But the complexity of all this is that when the Ego acts, it does it from the subconscious mind, meaning when you are not fully aware. Actually, the Ego acts without you even noticing it. So, if the Ego is left to its own devices, it can become a tyrant that needs to be mitigated.

Living with an unaware ego

Looking back on my life, I can see many examples of my Ego trying to survive. To win the fight and demonstrate it was right. I lost people, got into endless fights with my partner, and especially lost my peace in such stupid ways. For example, I spent years defending why Veganism was an optimal choice for eating healthy (when it is genuinely not). Still, my Ego wanted to be different, to be the one who. Also, I convince people they need to get more into spiritual practices. And if they disagreed with me, I felt annoyed.

The weird part is that you genuinely believe all your actions are good and come from a good place. The typical “I had good intentions” speech, right?. And honestly, ugh. When my Ego is ruling, I don’t like the person I am now. All closed and not open for love and peace (all the contrary to expand).

How to recognize your unaware Ego

Suppose you want to avoid your unaware Ego from making you spend the wrong time and even ruining relationships. In that case, you must see yourself as wrong and invite other people’s perspectives into yours. And then, you need to take responsibility for whatever needs to be changed within yourself. 

The first time I consciously did this work on my own Ego was after the ending of my 1st marriage in 2016. By then, I held so firmly that I was right, and I was constantly searching for a reason to demonstrate why my version of the story was correct. But, to be completely honest, the pain didn’t go away by holding that position. But on the contrary, it kept growing and poisoning my soul until finally, one day, I entered a stage of surrender. 

With an opening for self-awareness, I passed through the uncomfortable stage of looking at my wrongness and all the suffering I caused. This brought me a clear opportunity to let go of my Ego’s defense and practice surrender, love, and compassion with myself and with my ex-partner, who I believed hurt me. Only by bringing awareness to our own shadow can you start changing it. When I opened up to the possibility of being wrong, I gave space for real change. 

One of the things I realized was how my Ego was ruling my life without even noticing. To apply more self-awareness, I describe 5 ways you can spot an unaware Ego in this article.

5 signs you are living with an unaware Ego

Please check with yourself if you are:

1. Defending your label.

Labels are every time you say I am (fill in the blank)(Examples, I am a feminist, vegan, keto, Christian, Jew, black, white, liberal, Latin, republican, environmentalist, etc.). 

There is nothing wrong with labels; we need them to associate with others and make our lives easier and more enjoyable.

The problem arises when you classify yourself as correct and others as wrong. One example is if you call yourself a vegan because of your morals and love for animals. Still, you catch yourself condemning the meat-eaters or classifying them as bad people with a lack of compassion or irresponsibility.  

Every time you defend your label, your unaware Ego might be causing further trouble. 

Solution: Be aware of your labels, but mostly, keep an open mind and heart. Even if you believe your tags are correct, accept that they are your point of view. No one is above or under the other; every label and point of view is just a different version of the truth.

2. Living in the past or future.

As the spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle says, freedom lies in the now. Traveling to the past and the future is an essential tool. But to stay there for an extended time can be a sign of the presence of an unaware Ego. 

One example is when you mistreat somebody for something that person did in the past, but it was already resolved or passed. Another example may be assuming something negative that hasn’t happened yet about somebody or a circumstance (creating a judgmental future that has not happened yet).

Solution: Start noticing when you feel discomfort with others or a situation. Notice the reason behind it. Is it something that happened in the past, and are you still bringing it here today? Or it could be something that was projected only into your mind.

3. Not resolving a problem.

When you cannot advance in resolving a specific situation, you defend only your (Ego’s) point of view without even opening an entrance to the other’s perspective. 

Solution. You might start thinking about the possibility of being wrong. I invite you to detach from your point of view just for a moment, consider the perspective of the other as if it were your own, and notice things you might not have seen before. 

4. Running into arguments frequently.

If you think everybody is wrong and you are right, that’s your Ego talking. Examples are criticizing everything in your government, social media, family, boss, and business partners and thinking you are right.

Solution. Remember that your perspective is one of many ways to see the world.

5. Feeling fearful.

The Ego is fear-based. Fear of not being loved, accepted, or worthy. This brings closeness and limitlessness, making you untruthful with others and feeling insecure.

Solution. Fear is an excellent indicator to go deeper and bring a little bit of information about your own self. But to master your fears is a complete job that requires constant effort, attention, and time. But a simple, practical tip I like to use is, whenever I can spot my fear, I tell my Ego: “Thank you for protecting me, ego, but I’m ok.” 

With this, I finish this blog post; please let me know in the comments below which other ways you spot your Ego because I would love to know!

Have a beautiful day, and remember that as cheesy as it sounds, start by changing yourself if you want to change the world.

With love,

Pia

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Did you know meditation can help you control your ego by bringing more awareness to it?. If you are interested in learning the basic of meditation, then you need my Meditation for Beginners guide. 

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